Never to Return: A Modern Quest For Eternal Truth, Chapter 14: "Winter Wonderland"

NEVER TO RETURN:

A MODERN QUEST FOR ETERNAL TRUTH

A Multimedia Spiritual Adventure Memoir
by Sharon Janis

A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life,
for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy can live.

Chapter Fourteen

WINTER WONDERLAND

MY MAIN WORK IN THE ashram was to make video copies of all of our teacher's magnificent talks. He had studied many different branches of Indian philosophy, and was able to explain each of them in a way that made sense to me, and was humorous and entertaining to boot. Only a small portion of the building was open for the winter staff, and my video room was tucked away with its little wall-heater between two meditation halls that had been filled with the energy of thousands of devotees doing spiritual practices all summer long. I had a whole half of this huge building to myself. What more could a loner ask for?

I worked alone in a room with several hundred videotapes of my teacher giving talks, traveling around the world, and visiting the holy shrines of India. I decorated the office with pictures of various sages and saints, and it became my temple. Once again, I began to reconnect with the inner spaces.

This time I had days filled with powerful chants, mantras and spiritual teachings to help guide me into a deeper level. Last time I had gotten caught on my inward explorations by a snag that had made life unbearable for me. But now I felt protected in accessing new areas of consciousness. I was no longer on my own. I had a friend on the path, someone who knew the turf. For the first time in my life, I didn't feel alone.

I could never have imagined finding a place whose primary purpose was to support inner growth. Just two years after trying to leave this world in despair, I had discovered what I hadn't even dared to hope for: a place dedicated to inner growth, deeper knowledge, and the exploration of life.

None of the twenty-five winter staff knew how to play either the harmonium organ or drums for the chants, so I decided to learn the basics. With no real musical background, I played an instrument for every chant during that winter, usually three times each day. This also meant I had to attend every chant. It was time for this aloof teenager to learn some discipline!

Every morning, I would play a hand-pumped organ called a harmonium for the hour-and-a-half chanting session. One hand would pump the accordion-like bellows while the other fingered the keys. Both were moving constantly for the entire hour-and-a-half, and any attempt to remove either hand would make a noticeable glitch in the chant. Every single morning, I would sit cross-legged on the ground, with both hands attached to this instrument. It was a definite lesson in control. Itchy nose? Forget it. Legs starting to fall asleep? Tough. Sleepy this morning? You can't sleep through this one.

Soon after I began to play for these morning chants, came a strange new occurrence. I would be sitting there playing the instrument and chanting the words, and I'd start to lose conscious awareness. I would relax deeply into the sounds, movements, rhythms and vibrations of the chant, yet my fingers would continue to play, almost on their own.

When I was able to remain alert during the chant, I would enjoy reading the translation of the text. This scripture, called the Guru Gita, revealed many secret teachings about the nature of the universe and the deeper significance of the guru, which is not considered as just a person or teacher by this scripture, but as the grace-bestowing power that flows through the outer, physical guru and penetrates all of creation, lifting souls upward through the power of grace. These teachings opened my mind into a much higher view of life. No longer was the universe just a mundane place I had to put up with until I died. It was as magical as anything I had ever imagined. I couldn't believe such wonderful philosophy was so easily available, and yet so unrecognized in the society I had been living in.

One day, our manager came in during the morning chant. The managers were notorious for rarely coming to chants, even though they were devotees as well. But this morning, the manager not only came in, but began pulling the chanters, one by one, out of the room. He'd walk up to each person and whisper in their ear. The person would pick up their sitting pillow and chanting book and leave the hall. I was certainly curious to know what was going on!

However, I couldn't ask anybody anything, because I was playing the harmonium and had to keep the chant going. By now, I was quite alert as everybody in the room except the drum player and me was mysteriously led away. I couldn't even imagine what was going on! Was I missing something special? Were we at war? Was the building on fire? What was so important to call everyone out of the chant, but not important enough to have me stop playing as well? I did my best to continue giving this holy chant its due respect, but my curiosity was a definite distraction.

Finally, the text ended, and I found out what happened. A roofing crew had been hired to do some work on one of the residential wings of the building. On the previous day, they had peeled away the surface roof layers and put a simple plastic tarp over it for the night, as there was no sign of rain. Well, while we were chanting that morning, it didn't just rain. It rained like hell. It was pouring so hard that the rain collapsed not only the entire roof of the third floor, but some of the second-floor ceilings as well.

Everyone had been led out of the chant to help keep the flood at bay.There were only about twenty-five people available to help, the winter maintenance crew. We set up bucket brigades. We'd catch water in some buckets and shovel gray gunk into others. Everyone left whatever work they normally did to help clean up this mess. We were all completely wet and filthy, as we shoveled away. It was actually great exercise for me to be doing this kind of work after spending so much of my time sitting while doing video distribution work. It also forced a certain surrender, because I'd waited until the last minute to send out some videotapes that "had" to go out that day.

At one point, the security guard asked me to bring a tool to the manager, who was in our teacher's house.This would give me a chance to see where my teacher lived! I tiptoed into this holy space, and found the manager.

He said, "Look, I need for you to stay here and keep changing all of these buckets throughout Baba's living quarters. There are a lot of leaks in the roof and we have to make sure his rooms remain dry. Just stay here until I come back."

At first, I was very shy about being in my guru’s living quarters, and was careful not to touch anything. I just stood in the middle of the room, watching the buckets fill up slowly and changing them when they were full. Eventually, I got up the nerve to walk through his kitchen and dining areas, and even peeked into his ever-so- cool bathroom, with pictures of his favorite saints molded into some of the tiles. The energy in the area was tangible and sweet. You could feel a charge of purity in the air. It was like a scent, but an electrified scent you could also feel.

Well, the hours ticked by, as I stayed alone in this magical wonderland, my teacher's house. I sat on the lush carpeting between bucket changes, and experienced many delightful and peaceful meditations. It felt as though I had somehow become his friend. I was hanging out in this private room, in his personal energy. And, of course, that bathroom which I had tiptoed into so reverently during the first couple of hours, eventually became my bathroom. After all, I had been told not to leave the premises, and a person does have to go.

By the time I missed both lunch and dinner, it became clear the manager had probably forgotten I was there. I could have left to find him, but why do that? I was quite happy in my new quarters. Sitting in this pure environment for so long, I felt as though my entire being was being bathed clean.

Chapter Fourteen

WINTER WONDERLAND

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