Several times while living at the ashram, I dreamt that I was a Brahmin priest. I'd watched many videos of Brahmin priests chanting during the yajna fire ceremonies, including an older Brahmin priest named Bhau Shastri who would perform more personalized ceremonies for my first guru and his successor. What struck me most about Bhau Shastri was that, while doing elaborate rituals that often involved flowers, incense, fires, clarified butter, and devotional washing of the guru's feet, he had an amazing ability to look completely serious and completely joyful at the same time.
I had a
little statue of my guru's guru Bhagavan Nityananda by my bed in my dorm room,
and had been thinking that it would be amazing to have him blessed or even
enlivened by this priest one day.
Right around that time, while all the ashramites were attending
the beginning of our evening program, our guru walked through some of
the residential hallways and visited some of the empty staff rooms, including mine. For you ladies who can't imagine what
it would feel like to have the guru visit your room, imagine finding out that that Oprah had come to
visit your home while you were out, and that she came inside and looked around with her camera crew. You'd be feeling a little shy, hoping that things were in the right
place, but you'd also feel exhilarated (assuming things weren't too messy, which they generally weren't in the ashram rooms). Now lift that feeling up to be your image of divinity coming by to see your
room, and it was a very powerful event.
Fortunately one of the few people who were walking with our guru
was a friend, who told me that Gurumayi had picked up my small statue of
Nityananda, held it in her hand, and said, “Ah, Bade Baba,” which is a more
personal name for Nityananda that can be translated as "big father." After this visit, I had several more
dreams about being a Brahmin priest and chanting, as I had now come to do, with
the Brahmin priests in San Diego.
Participating in the weekly bhajan satsang chanting sessions at the home of
Prem and Sheela Trikannad was also a dream come true. Prem would begin by singing for about a half hour
with his beautiful voice that exuded tremendous devotion. He would begin with
some slow mantras and then go into a series of devotional poem songs and group
chants.
After we singers each offered our musical pieces, we would all
sing together the final song together, while waving a lamp of flames before the
god and guru covered altar that honored all traditions.
Watch a video of our chanting satsangs
These Thursday night Indian satsang sessions became my most
important and nourishing spiritual practice of each week — it was like
sitting under a fresh waterfall of grace, from beginning to end. After
the chanting would end, we'd all sit together and eat snacks that had been brought
by participants, and blessed through our mantras. It was a friendly and
loving group of people to be with, and they seemed to also enjoy my company.
God always give us what we need, and I truly needed a kind community to
chant with at that time. After the snacks, technically called prasad, or
a blessed gift, most of the participants would leave. However, I would
be invited by Prem and Sheela to stay, usually for dinner and some informal
chatting, along with any spiritual and musician guests that may have been visiting for
the week.
During this time, I experienced the great benefits that come from
truly good company. Many scriptures explain the importance of good
company in our spiritual journeys. In fact, even the idea of a guru can
also be boiled down, to some extent, to the power of good company in our lives.
Pure, devoted, spiritual people carry a certain kind of vibration,
and being in their company helps to nurture the same high level spiritual
qualities in ourselves, just from their presence, and also through their words
and actions as good examples of how spiritual beings should conduct themselves
in this world. These Thursday night satsangs were filled with good
spiritual company, from top to bottom, person to person, beginning to end, in
the form of devotional singing, skilled music, generous spirits, virtuous
personalities, kind eyes, and loving souls.
Prem and Sheela themselves were examples of many spiritual
qualities that I hadn't before seen demonstrated so clearly in action.
Surely, they had their own challenges, including being financially on the edge
nearly all the time, as I also was. Yet, this never diminished their
extraordinary generosity. If they'd had ten dollars left in the bank,
they would have used it to purchase and cook some food for a friend.
Even though these weekly satsangs cost them quite a bit of time
and money to offer, they never requested any donations whatsoever, nor was
there a donation box, as might be available in most spiritual venues. In
fact, at the very end of the satsang, the arati lamp would be carried through
the hall so that each person could wave his or her hands above the flame in a
traditional ritual that is symbolic of receiving the light of God. Most temples carry
this lamp on a tray, and people would place donations on that tray. This
Satsang Foundation at Prem and Sheela's house carried the lamp without a tray,
specifically so that nobody would feel obliged to place money on the tray.
Of course, if someone offered a donation to the altar, it would be
gratefully accepted, however these were two people for whom giving was
absolutely more important than receiving. And the fruits of their
surrender and grace was that their in-house temple was one of the most
spiritually powerful places I'd experienced, certainly anywhere in San Diego.
Once, a swami with a long grey beard came to our Thursday night
satsang after attending the millennium religious meeting at the United Nations.
He had been a guru to Indira Gandhi, and was probably in his eighties. After
our chanting, the swami stood up and said that with all the temples he'd been
to over many years, this was the most selfless and pure temple he'd been to.
He was quite impressed with the purity and beauty of our offerings, and,
in fact, came over to me while I was sitting with a couple friends having our
prasad snacks and chatting.
I had sung a chant to the universal Goddess during the session: Jagadishwari Jai Ma.
Click the arrow to play this chant:
My gurus had done a great job of presenting a selection of
teachings and music from many areas of India. While even
professional devotional singers from India often focused on songs from one
language, culture, or part of the country, I knew a little bit from many
different styles and languages, including Sanskrit, Hindi, Marathi, Urdu, and
Kannada.
The swami walked over to where my friends and I were sitting,
stood above me, and pointed down at me. Then he said, in a deep and commanding voice, "You da da dadada da da da
da." I couldn't understand anything except the "You," but
that was enough to spark my narcissistic interest in what he had said.
"Excuse me?" I asked with a smile.
"You da da dadada da da da God."
Okay, now I really wanted to know what he was saying. I
didn't want to be rude or to insult the swami's English speaking abilities, but
I ventured forth once more. "I'm sorry?"
"You da da dadada da da da God."
I said, "Thank you," and the swami returned to his seat.
I turned to Micah, a wise seventeen-year-old friend who often
would give helpful advice, and said, "I have no idea what he said."
Micah saved the day, as he replied, "What he said was. . .
'You are directly connected to God.'"
Ahh. I had to chuckle at how well this incident analogized
my life: You are directly connected to God. Huh? Duh?
What?
This incident reminded me of the ancient scriptures that say grace
can turn even a fool into a great being!
On to Chapter Forty
Back to The Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Awakening
Chapter 2: Never to Return
Chapter 3: I Chose This?
Chapter 4: Through the Years
Chapter 5: Exploring the Unconscious
Chapter 6: Faith-Healer
Chapter 7: Hidden Persuaders
Chapter 8: The Threshold of Life
Chapter 9: When the Student is Ready
Chapter 10: Magical Meeting
Chapter 11: Toward the One
Chapter 12: Who is Shiva?
Chapter 13: Destiny Calls
Chapter 14: Winter Wonderland
Chapter 15: The Happy Pauper
Chapter 16: This Karmic Dance
Chapter 17: Stoking the Inner Fire
Chapter 18: The Fruits of Surrender
Chapter 19: That Gracious Glance
Chapter 20: How Could He Be Gone?
Chapter 21: From Heart to Heart
Chapter 22: Get a Job
Chapter 23: Smash the Idol
Chapter 24: Clothed in Devotion
Chapter 25: Nemesis
Chapter 26: Who Are You Calling Jad?
Chapter 27: A Perfect Mistake
Chapter 28: She Still Thinks She Did It!
Chapter 29: Taming the Beast
Chapter 30: Undo What You Have Done
Chapter 31: The Great Guiding Force
Chapter 32: The Wish Fulfilling Tree
Chapter 33: Where is the Key?
Chapter 34: The Hollywood Chronicles
Chapter 35: A Funny Thing Happened on My Way to Nirvana
Chapter 36: Love, Betrayal, and the Unseen Hand of God
Chapter 37: An Inner Command
Chapter 38: Cardiff by the Sea
Chapter 39: Miracles and Great Beings
Chapter 40: Shiva's Fiery Dance
Chapter 41: A Shifting Path
Chapter 42: Cheering up Nine Swamis
Chapter 43: Death Threat
Chapter 44: Spirituality For Dummies
Chapter 45: A Real Angel
Chapter 46: Send in the Clowns
Chapter 47: Dispassion and Death's Door
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