Returning Consciously:
The Personal and Spiritual Benefits from Writing About Our Life's Journey
by Sharon Janis
Weathered faces lined in pain
are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.~ Don McClean, "Vincent"
I'd never really thought of myself as a storyteller, though many friends through the years have been humored by some of the more outlandish stories from my rather odd childhood and perhaps even odder adulthood. When some suggested, "You should write an autobiography," I would think, "Yeah, right," and forget I'd ever heard such a ridiculous thing. By the time I was 30, most of my memories had been long buried beneath the needs at hand, and I was a fairly private person as well. Why would I want to share intimate personal information with anyone, much less the whole world?
Well, surprise, surprise. I can tell you one thing. When it is time for destiny to unfold in a particular direction, it does. And if you're lucky, the Grace of Universal Beneficence (aka God) will make things easier by guiding your desires to be in harmony with the unfolding petals of destiny.
A brief summary of my life reads something like this: I was born in Detroit, Michigan with a high IQ and early language skills, but with a somewhat unusual family. Growing up as a loner, I took a three-month course in hypnosis at age 7 along with my psychology teacher parents. By age 12, I was taking speed regularly and writing papers contrasting Freud's structural and topological theories. While studying film and neurophysiology at the University of Michigan, I began to use my own version of self-hypnosis to explore the mechanics of personal awareness and the subconscious mind.
A surprise meeting with an Indian holy man ripped out my atheist roots and initiated a series of amazing, tangible experiences of many "high states of consciousness" that are described in the ancient scriptures of Eastern spirituality. After living in his monastery for a decade, editing and producing video programs about the wisdom and teachings of India, another twist on the path led me straight into the heart of Tinseltown, USA, where I worked on television shows such as Hard Copy and Disney's Prime Nine News, with stars including Allen Funt, Arnold Schwarzenegger, X-Men, and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. This brings us to the point where an autobiography began to peek through the karmic folds.
There I was, editing and producing the top two childrens shows in the world, working for up to 100 hours a week during the busiest times. Gee, who would have imagined that the body might find a way to say "No more!"? Suddenly, this vehicle that had pretty much been at my beck and call for several decades, was saying no. It crossed its arms defiantly and manifested a fairly impressive list of illnesses, interestingly coinciding with a three-year astrological configuration that is said to bring debt, disease, dispute, and possibly death. Sitting quietly for days on end, I considered the possibility that it might be time for me to leave this world. In the midst of this challenging time came an inner command: "First, you have to share what you've learned."
The words arose from the depths of my soul, thundering through my being with an undeniable authority. The closest I could come to comparing the experience would be to that scene in the Ten Commandments film when Moses kneels before the burning bush and hears the Lord's commands thundering through him. There was an inner sense of "Why me, Lord? Who am I?"
This inner presence then proceeded to unveil my inner sight and reveal a birds-eye view of this event called "my life." Looking back at some of the patterns and experiences, it became clear that a synthesis of the knowledge and insights I had gathered through the years could be a beneficial contribution to the world, to other souls on their journeys, and to my personal evolution as well. I'd recently helped a friend begin her successful author career, and it seemed logical that this command would be most efficiently fulfilled by writing a book.
During my decade in the monastery, I had learned to perform service selflessly, to work without being motivated by the promise of external rewards. After years of falling into a more materialistic mentality in Hollywood, I once again found myself working with this more altruistic attitude. After all, fame and fortune hold little weight when one is preparing to leave the very world within which these attainments have value. With my body still giving evidence of preparing to close down shop, I realized it was possible I might not even be here to enjoy the release of these writings. Rather, my efforts would be seeds scattered to the winds, hopefully to find fertile soil in the minds of whomever was meant to read them. This book would be a selfless offering to the universe.
There is a saying that when you visit a holy place, you must give something of yourself in gratitude, whether by giving money or picking up a piece of trash from the floor. From the vision given to me that day, I saw this world as a holy place, a temple. Suddenly the teachings and scriptures I had studied in the monastery began to reveal greater meaning. I began to see this world as a temple, and we as travelers, pilgrims on a trek of eternal truth through the millennia, through infinite inner and outer realms. The Sufi saints call this earth world a "guest house," and proclaim that the story of our life lasts for only "four days." Why not leave behind something of ourselves — a footprint upon the sands of time, a splashing drop upon this universal pool of consciousness?
Some give their holy offering in the form of children, whom they rear and then let go with the breath of their love. Some give birth to creative works that inspire and influence the world, for seeming better or worse. Indeed, every life offers gifts to the universe with every move we make, every breath we take. This world is like a sacrificial fire, into which everything we do is an offering, whether conscious or unconscious on our part. This vision was revealed to me along with the command to "Share what you have learned."
I sat down reverently, and began to write, attempting to capture various profound visions and insights on paper. The result was a fairly obtuse, philosophical work called, Breakthrough Consciousness : Breaking the Myth of Egocentricity. I excitedly gave copies of the manuscript to a small group of friends. Most of them never mentioned the book again. It was as though they had never received a copy. The few who managed to tread through the words had found it to be interesting and even enlightening, but quite philosophical and a lot of hard work to read. This left me with a dilemma. Here I was trying to fulfill this command on my supposed way out, and it seemed that my efforts had been somewhat in vain. This was not a tasty enough morsel for the mouth of the Gods, in the form of contemporary human minds. My task was not yet complete. It was time to turn to my media savvy, my Hollywood experience. The book had to be entertaining as well as informative. Instead of sharing the insights alone, I would have to share the circumstances through which they arose. I put Breakthrough Consciousness on a back shelf and began anew. It was going to have to be personal this time.
This decision must have been in the flow, because an unexpected boon rode in on its coattails. My memories began to open up as they never had before. With effort, I could recall events, not just in word form, but spatially, in technicolor. I could remember where I was standing or sitting, and what I was feeling or thinking during each moment.
While exploring various periods of my life, I was also able to process a mountain of previously buried emotions. Transcribing these experiences into word form, I moved through periods of anger, frustration, ecstasy, love, and joy. It was like going through decades of psychotherapy in two years. Eventually, after opening up many pockets of emotional energy and releasing them, I found myself in a much lighter space. All those unprocessed feelings had kept me weighted down, like so much memory storage slowing down a computer.
Through the benefit of hindsight, I was also able to see the ripples of various events, and appreciate the positive inner shifts and guidance that had come from even the most challenging times. What an amazing lesson to learn — that everything truly does happen for the best, that the universe is perfect, and cannot be otherwise. As these insights moved through my awareness, my body began to heal. I came to realize at a very deep level that every life is a scripture, an amazingly multi-faceted, holographically choreographed dance of the wisdom of Consciousness itself.
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