Secrets of Spiritual Happiness

Secret #22 -- Be Careful About the Company You Keep

 

    

 

By Sharon Janis

 

Surround yourself with happy faces -- people who are interested in growing and enjoying.

--Wayne Dyer

 

You are a temple of God walking through and upon this earth.   You have a choice whether to let that temple get covered with dust, garbage, debris, and weeds, or whether you keep it shining with beautiful, bright, crystal clarity.   Some combination seems to be the lot for most of us, and perhaps that's how it is meant to be, after all.  

According to ancient spiritual sages who saw beyond the veils of this world, we are purity itself, existing in an environment of mixed purity and impurity.   We are bright and beautiful lotus flowers blossoming forth through and above the muddy waters of worldly life.   And, in fact, those muddy waters are also supplying some of the minerals and nutrients that feed the plant's health and beauty.   In the same way, spiritual happiness is not about ignoring the world, but about paying attention to what is nurturing or harming your spirit, while rising above it all to shine your glory and beauty into the world.

The company we keep has a powerful effect on our ability to blossom fully.   It's amazing how quickly good company can help bring us out of an agitated state of mind, and how quickly bad company can put us in one.  

Of course, one goal on the journey of spiritual happiness is to become independent of outer circumstances.   However, until we reach that great state of completely independent spiritual happiness, it makes sense to take care regarding the company we keep.

This is certainly an important secret of spiritual happiness: to be aware and careful about the company we are keeping - inside, outside, in relationships, and in books, movies and television programs.   Whenever possible, choose to be around people, places, thoughts, and things that create greater spiritual happiness in your mind, heart and soul.

If you are wanting to create more peace and happiness in your life, you may also want to consider reducing the amount of time you spend with certain kinds of "media company" that agitate you, or that bring up images of violence or terror-filled scenes that you would never wish to create in your life.

In some cases, a dramatic situation or movie may give you some benefits, such as being a fairly harmless stress release or adrenaline boost, while in other cases, it will only create agitation, nightmares, and digestive troubles.   It's up to you to be careful about the company you keep, whether in media or in people; and it's also up to you to decide what balance is right for you.

Some people are actually like walking horror films, always talking about the many tragedies and horrific stories that have fallen upon their lives and the lives of their friends.   Our words also have great power, and so their relishing of every traumatic detail over and over may, in fact, be contributing to the conflagration of dreadfulness that they love to describe.  

Personally, I try not to spend too much time with such folks, in part because their words are not positive and happiness-conducive.   Also, I figure that if you meet someone and all their close friends have terrible and ongoing horror stories, then you just may consider whether you really want to add your name to their list of close friends!  

Being careful about the company you keep is similar to being careful of the foods you eat.   If you really pay attention to the effects of different foods on your body, then you'll have more control over your physical happiness.    For example, you may eat a big greasy meal, and notice that you don't feel so good afterward.   This gives you a chance to control how you're going to feel in the future, by choosing whether you really want to have another big greasy meal.  

In the same way, pay attention to how you feel when you hang around certain "greasy" people, or go to certain types of places.   Perhaps you can't always control the company you are in, such as in work or travel situations, nevertheless, you can still find ways to add more positive and inspiring company when you do have possession of the "remote control" of your life, such as during your off-work hours.

How do you feel when you take a brisk walk in the morning and watch the sunrise?   How do you feel in the midst of whatever religious or spiritual gatherings you have chosen to participate in?   How do you feel when you're with family, with friends, or in the company of those with whom you work?   How do you feel when you watch violence on television or in a movie theatre?   Maybe good, and maybe not so good.   Be aware of how the vibrations of your body, mind, and soul feel as you move through your day in the company of various people, locations, and events.   Then you'll have greater power to choose how you feel, and to hopefully choose happiness.

If you watch the news all evening, and find that you can't sleep because you're worried that terrorists are going to blow something up, or that the snipers might attack you, or that a serial killer might break into your house, then you may have created inner unhappiness by keeping the company of too much outer bad news.

For ten years of monastic life, I rarely watched the news, although I did work in the ashram's video department, and had access to a television for most of that time.   However, with such a strong and intent focus on the eternal presence and on timeless spiritual teachings, I just didn't feel motivated to watch television very often at all.    Pretty much the only things that I saw on television during the 1980's were Princess Diana's wedding to Prince Charles, a dramatic news announcement that the U.S. had just bombed Libya, and Michael Jackson singing and dancing to "Billie Jean," when he first unveiled the moonwalk dance step on Motown's twenty-fifth anniversary special.  

Soon after leaving the ashram in 1989, I was hired to work on a news show in Los Angeles, where I was an editor and producer for several years.   We actually managed to fill five hours of news every day - which was unheard of in those pre-cable news days.   Yet, in spite of this abundance of news, I realized that I hadn't really missed all that much by skipping an entire decade of news.   I caught up with the rest of society fairly quickly, although intriguing gaps did show up for a while - such as not knowing who certain celebrities were, and being unaware about various prominent events that had taken place in the world during my monastic decade.

While working on this news show, I had an opportunity to work with a phenomenally creative staff of reporters, writers, camera crew and post-production staff. I also saw that news shows are a business and a service, but a business first.   The underlying goal is to increase viewer ratings without going over the line of ethics enough to get you written up negatively in the local paper - as one of the other stations in our town often did.   All the news programs would run what were called "teases" to entice people to stay tuned and watch a story later in the day or later in the broadcast.   Maybe some food was being recalled, or some other scary warning was being given, with that very serious newscaster face: "Your children may be in danger; details at eleven!"

News folks can tend to become somewhat numbed toward the daily string of disasters that they see, write, produce, and edit, all day, every day.   The words that make up most news stories are words like murder, death, fire, disaster, showdown, fierce fighting -- you get the picture.   You can probably hear some of them right now just by scanning a few news stations, especially the ones that deal with the goings on of urban communities.   As they used to say, "If it bleeds, it leads."  

We news folks would tend to become desensitized to some of the emotional impact of such stories, because they were such an integral part of our daily jobs. About the only time we'd escape a daily flow of murders, fires, burglaries, and disputes was when there was a bigger, national story taking precedence, such as on election nights, or when we were working on special feature pieces about various interesting and hot topics.  

Since I left that field, news shows have blended even more with the tabloid mentality, so that now a serial murder doesn't even have to be recent to be retold again and again through one of many "serial killers!" type series.   With these somewhat numbed-out producers, writers, and anchors trying to grab the viewer with intense and enticing stories, teases, and intros, the viewing public eventually also becomes more numb to this massive flood of negative images and words being paraded on their television screens, every day and every night.

 

If we are forced, at every hour, to watch or listen to horrible events, this constant stream of ghastly impressions will deprive even the most delicate among us of all respect for humanity.

-- Cicero

 

It is nearly impossible to escape this media blitz of destruction, sorrow, grief, loss, devastation, frustration, and sadness - with only occasional stories about the many who are doing something good.   Avoiding negative stories and images in today's world would be nearly as miraculous as parting the Red Sea. It's as though everybody now lives a traumatic childhood, witnessing an ongoing series of horrors, cruelties, and heart-wrenching scenes from an early age.   You can't really exist in today's world without knowing all the pain, sorrow, and trauma that exists all over the world.

As with everything else in life, much of the benefit or harm from the media comes from how we choose to use it.   For example, becoming aware of troubles and pains across the globe can be a blessing if that inspires us to heal those problems.  

Personally, I consider it a blessing to have life lessons ready to view on television any time I might want some material to enjoy or consider.   With television, I can enjoy my peaceful and somewhat hermit lifestyle while still being able to keep up with the world, the news, and current trends.   It also gives me an abundance of material for contemplation or writing, with the flick of a channel.   As the humorist, Swami Beyondananda, likes to say, the purpose of this material world is to give us good material!

Remember, this media explosion is still a fairly new development on the human evolution scene.   Television wasn't even close to being around at the turn of the twentieth century.   Why, I'm not all that old, and TV's were rare and only black and white when I was very young.   The last few generations are the only ones that grew up having scripted friends and extended families on television.  

Only in recent decades have the network and cable stations turned to so much negative fare, although recent years have also shown some promising possibilities for using television and film to actually uplift people and our society - what a concept, using the media for good!  

The proliferation of media can also bring other benefits, including entertainment, emotional release, humor, education about many cultures, and - especially with the move toward reality TV - countless lessons about the human experience, from the honorable to the pathetic.   Quiz shows, talent and survival competitions, personal exposés, court battles, dating shows, and other kinds of reality television not only catch our voyeuristic attention, but also offer living models we can watch and study to learn more about how human beings act and react in different situations.   With these observations, we can learn more about human nature, and can also begin to look more closely at understanding and improving our own personal natures.  

Nevertheless, if you find yourself feeling unhappy while watching too much of certain kinds of shows, then by all means, do make use of that remote to change the station, or to turn the television off and do something more constructive with your time.   Meditate!   Contemplate!   Write the book you've always wanted to write!   Learn to cook a new dish.   Help your children with their homework.   Sing a song.   Have a friendly conversation.   Take a class.   Go for a walk.   Go to the gym.   You know your life and your preferences -- find some good inner or outer company that will uplift and inspire you with greater happiness.

Do your best to be around people who are good company - who want to be happy, and who want to see you be happy.   And, most importantly, be good company for yourself, because that is the company you have for life.

 

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